I woke up this morning with a slight dizziness and a feeling of glue stuck to my eyes. Is this what a hangover feels like? Well, I guess a full weekend of TESOL practicum sessions would go down as well as, if not more than, a bottle of cognac would to intoxicate anyone!
After Module 4 exam on Sunday 25th March, I did not receive a single call or sms from anyone in class. I imagined people were holed up with their lesson plans and rehearsing for practicum as I edited mine twice myself during that week with some additional points which I eventually forgot to present anyway. By Friday 30th, time must have started to drag for everyone because…boy, weren't we ever raring to go to get that 45-minute presentation over and done with!
The fever had to come down somehow before the curtain rose and it did. Some people assumed practicum was starting at 10am instead of 9am, so while waiting for the latecomers, there was time for the first candidate, Gucharan Singh, to pace up and down and crack a few weak jokes to diffuse the tension.
It was a new Gucharan who took to the floor. Hair and mustache neatly trimmed, gone were the t-shirt, lounging pants and sandals. The long sleeve white shirt, tie and shiny black shoes, hands in pockets and cool, firm gaze underneath bushy brows gave him the persona of my English teacher, Mr Bakshi, way back in the 60s though Bakshi made me more nervous because I never saw his eyes throughout his classes. He always had sun glasses on and I had always suspected they were to hide his tears that came too easily whenever he read Keats or Wordsworth. Gucci's half smile made his mood difficult to predict too anyway so no one dared to play the fool or look any where else except at him or the worksheet.
Then came fresh-faced fair Wendy who reminded me of my slender geography teacher. Wendy took us to the dining tables of folks across the continents from Scandinavia to China, testing our comprehension of the passage on why some preferred fish while others could now afford to eat strawberries throughout the year. Wendy was just a tad nervous, but she steadied herself after writing on the whiteboard.
Agnes turned dietician with her lesson on a balanced diet and the evils of fast food…which woke us up! We didn't care what that guy said in the tape. Life's no fun without Mc D and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Miss Choy firmly told us to listen again and stick to vegetables, fruits, blah, blah, blah….yeah, right.
Puteri daintily taught us to mind our p's and q's in asking for directions. And most of all, before giving directions to anyone, to make sure we knew exactly where the required location was and to remember our left from right or we'd be sending people to the police station instead of the school!
Tall Norina made us feel even smaller seated there primly after being told to be quiet and to raise our hands before saying anything. Our lips were sealed until she called us out one by one to say 'many water' or 'much water', 'furniture' or 'furnitures', etc. When it came to 'cake', some smart Alecs started looking at each other…can count or not? No one dared say anything however, but after getting a few 'good' and 'very good' from her…wah, bodies started shifting and soon answers were raised in unison and all of us scored 100% in the exercises…yay!
Divya, Tara, June M. were such a delightful bunch! The 'Puppy Love" story came alive with Divya's sunny smile throughout the lesson, who could get any part of the story wrong? Tara kept up the smiles looking, in her trendy white dress and beautiful sandals, as chic as Cameron Diaz whose career history we had to read, understand and remember before we could leave our seats and get raunchy in the middle of the class. My o my, just to grab a seat to avoid having to answer a question, people ran, pushed and jostled the two gentlemen with their bums! And not to mention the deafening squeals and tables falling backwards. Poor Duncan had to take the box several times, but then he got the most sweets and wafers for getting the right answers and wrong answers, too…not fair, teacher. But we couldn't complain about that as sweets, chocolates and wafers were abundant from then on. June was in command training us on how to use Queen's English and behave like proper ladies and gentlemen in fine dining restaurants. And about waitering in such a restaurant…at last I got to relive my childhood fantasy as June brought props and all. Kudos to the kids, but I have to put the blame on the three of you for starting the sugary stuff flowing and getting everyone even more hyperactive than ever right through the following day. But then the next morning I did not have time for breakfast or rather, was too nervous to eat, so thank goodness for an Oreos left in my handbag. I munched on that in the car on the way and I guess that kept me from fainting in the middle of my presentation. Low sugar and high tension don't mix very well.
Sunday session started off on time with Mrs Selvamony's tables on countable and uncountable nouns. Not only had we to figure out whether or not RM30.00 was enough to make 3 dozen sandwiches of 3 varieties, but after counting and stacking up all the sandwiches neatly, my partner and I had to figure out which of the ingredients were countable and uncountable! But then demure Josephine was so patient, who would complain? She reminded me of my standard six class teacher, Miss Navamani. We adored her and her beautiful saris but one day she sent me and my friend out of the class (and we were teacher's pets too) for giggling and refusing to tell her why. We decided to stand outside and be stared at for one hour rather than tell her that we were laughing at the cute little shakes her bum made underneath the thin sari as she wrote on the board. Hah, but wait…didn't we catch Josephine in a giggling fit in Duncan's class? Duncan actually asked her if she would like to go out and compose herself. Thank goodness, I was afraid he was going to ask her to stand on the chair because by that time Duncan was already in his element, asking Puteri if she was on cloud nine when he caught her bantering with Gucci who could not get over the fact that 'cloud' could take an 's'.
And guys (now I sound like Tracy, for heaven's sake) did you know then why Josephine was freaking out? Norina must have twitched or something from across the class to remind her of an 'X' rated joke she made during lunch. Actually I had been secretly anxious too over what lesson plan Norina was going to deliver after I overheard her one day telling June that she was going to teach something 'outside the topic' and I saw June's jaw drop! Hardworking Norina should join the golfers, don't you think? Way to go, Norina! (wink)
Delectable, delectable Suhaila displayed her kitchen that certainly got messed up throughout the TESOL days. We sorted out the countables from the uncountables from her sink to the kitchen table where a little bird landed beside her lecture notes. We will never forget which vegetables can and cannot be counted after that spicy Mexican dish got to our heads and made us shake, shake, shake to the tunes of Jambalaya. Never mind that she brought out Collins Cobuild Advanced Learner's English Dictionary to clarify that "son of a gun" is acceptable pleasantry, nobody else could have made me go dancing "do se do" with Duncan. Talking about Collins Cobuild, that big book now sits proudly on my work table and I'd never lose an opportunity to show anyone who comes near, the symbols to help one pronounce words correctly. My daughter pointed out that I was getting to be "kepochi" and I told her "Darling daughter, being 'kepochi' is sometimes sharing". Ssh…did you know that Dr Ann George certified Su as a trainer during evaluation? Yah, I can just see her waking and shaking up those sullen faces in the hospitality industry.
Never mind about my lesson. I was just getting carried away with nostalgia over English literature classes with teary Mr Bakshi and feisty Mrs Lim (in form five) whose saliva would rain on us in the front row as she got into Pip's character in "Great Expectations". So I did hold myself in check, I hope, remembering that I had only 45 minutes to spew my tale. But in the last 3 weeks of preparation, I had my moments of panic and I was like an octopus (see Gucci, now I'm stuck on you.. I mean your lesson on similes and metaphors) trying to pick out gist of principles from each module to fit into my lesson plan.
Tracy, I really cannot remember now what you taught us because I was overtaken by the serenity you exuded up there when I was all the while expecting your usual bouncy self. Tracy who would not hold back her guffaw whenever she was tickled nor discriminate her tone when she got excited, was actually speaking slowly and reaching out to everyone. I do not know what Dr Ann George saw, but I know you loved your moment out there…your passion showed, your lesson plan was secondary.
Duncan's teaching aids were simple but unforgettable. How more authentic can you get than a bunch of his daughter's countable color pencils and little paper boxes of uncountable grains. You had proved to be such a wonderful sport by the time your turn came that we were only too ready to jump to your aid if anyone questioned your choice of quantifiers or plurals. We left Gucci to mutter to himself about that 'cloud' thing.
Juvy got us loud again with Jennifer Lopez's music. We read, danced and played. The kids would love you, Juvy, especially if you continue giving only ferere roche as rewards.
I was rather tired out by the last practicum but hey, what a resounding finale! I had always sensed something about Santhi from her occasional answers in class, the twinkle in her eyes as she glanced at me each time I tore open my m&m's under the table and the way she grinned every time Puteri asked for exam questions. No offence, Put…I actually love your openness…Puteri Bilkish of the Arabian Nights, with that beautiful face, who can resist giving you anything you ask for? Anyway, Santhi had that no-nonsense aura out there. Her lesson moved briskly and she had a commanding tone that was not harsh but only firm. But her choice of Star Wars for a reading piece left me and my group (Suhaila, Josephine…) shamefaced as we are not Star Wars fans. June, Divya and Gucci from the other side left us with no room to even think through the questions, let alone answer them. In any case, I'd recommend Santhi to any school principal any day.
Alas, our pride was somewhat redeemed when Dr Ann George gave Josephine and me a bow at closure (ahem!). Don't mind us, guys (you got me good, Tracy!) It is just that we'd been through the school of hard knocks much earlier and yet still going, through the uncountable years of our second adulthood. Yes, no matter what anyone says or how many more lessons on countable and uncountable nouns we have to go through (God forbid)…. Josephine, Puteri, Tracy, Wendy, Norina and me will take "years", though plural, as an uncountable noun, so heavens be helped!
My only regret is that our lecturers could not be there. But rest assured, Mr. Yeo, no one disappointed you. Funny how one-liners sometimes can change one's world view about something, like what your statement about Confucious did to mine. It is a truism that cannot be incorporated in Module 1, yet cannot be disputed.
Guess we are back to routine and I have to get going to work, class...hmm. Like "this old house" in my lesson, SBS Centre now holds another treasure chest of memories for me with all you lovely people. I told you guys to " write from your heart", didn't I? That's what I have done and I am not going to edit this, so if any of my words do not ring true or offend anyone, I stand to be corrected and to beg your pardon. Long live TESOL, SBS Centre, Cohort 8 lecturers and the inspiring Dr. Ann George ! (clink, clink) .
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