Soul Sacrifice

About a month ago Izaz told me he had a panic attack after finally signing the business agreement with the main shareholder of his new café “Soul Sacrifice”.  It came with the acceptance that he is coming out of his comfort zone to join the world of entrepreneurs, ready to lead, make decisions and be accountable for them.  Working hard takes on a new meaning now.  It may be his road to self-actualization…. exciting, scary.

I have always been prepared for Izaz to take the road less travelled.  His opinions and comments on many matters are often less than conventional.  At best, non-committal, if open-minded.  Some people think he is a bit too laid back, but one can never go into another’s mind nor analyse another soul’s evolvement.  That is part of the Universe’s mysteries. 

Looking back on the last 30 years, I remember Izaz as a good-natured child, an easy baby so to speak.  Well, after giving me six months of anxiety with placenta praevia yet coming out into the world eventually  through normal delivery.  To me it was a miracle.  Then he developed  lactose intolerance at two and a half months and it was soya milk all the way until he could take cow’s milk again.  That was his other difference from Idzfan and Izwin who were breast fed for a considerable period.  Yes, Izaz may appear rather placid generally but when passion strikes the waves know no boundary.  I’ve taken the rides with him over the last 30 years and I’m seeing it again….as the opening day of “Soul Sacrifice” approaches.

My recollections on your 31^st birthday, Izaz:

                 Coffee for the Soul

Today may be a relic of yesterday

And today’s thoughts may make tomorrow

But the same soul lies through all times….

      Of Transformers and Ninja Turtles

      EGMs, Marvel and Calvin & Hobbes

      Roald Dahl and Gila-Gila, PS 1 and 2
      And rocking cadet bands

      Sweat and tears over  Linux and C++ 

     Of Smashing Pumpkins and Flaming Lips

     Japan, Aristotle and Zen

     Cold train rides too down South Yarra

The soul that knows what the heart yearns….  

Your cuppa may be smoother than mine

Or the latte art slicker

But the gumption is the same in every cup

This and the next…..

Of Coffee for the Soul

Happy Birthday 31st Ijaz and welcome into our lives, Soul Sacrifice!

Reunion

Sometimes I wake up in the night swept up by a wave of gratitude and great comfort realising that my entire brood is huddled together within 3 rooms in our link house upstairs.  Just a door knock away.  It is an awesome feeling mixed with disbelief. Idzfan came home after 13 years in Australia and Izaz, after 8 years in the same place together.  During those times I felt the vacuum in my life everyday though Izwin getting married and the arrival of Alman in 2012 and Ishmael in 2015 has brought new dimensions of joy and life fulfilment.  But in recent years I started to have bouts of despair thinking that I would continue to be with my sons only 2-3 weeks a year when they come home for holidays or when I visit them.  It didn’t seem to make sense to continue living this way though I do want them to be where they are happiest.  That was why I sent them away in the first place, to give them opportunities to seek knowledge and find the wisdom to choose their own paths.  But the anxiety over wondering about their well being when we are oceans and continents apart brings a tough life lesson in itself.  In building up my spiritual strength.

 

I feel so fortunate to have this phase of my life…just like old times when they were kids going to school and coming back together, now they go to work and I can look forward to them coming home one by one.  The maid used to keep house and cooked most of the time as I was working.  Now I get the chance to do all that for them…and the grandchildren.   Tiring but I feel blessed.  They have matured in their thinking but their emotional attachment to me and childish idiosyncrasies have not changed.   

This is ultimate happiness for me and the true meaning of my life…to nurture my offsprings to the best of my god-given abilities.  And to be there when they need me.

I don’t know how long this gift will last as I know they will need to move on to new horizons sooner or later.  In search of greener pastures and new life experiences.  And I know they will share many moments with me from wherever they are.

Not too long ago just before subuh, as Idzfan was gathering his things in the same room next to mine preparing to leave for the airport after 2 weeks holiday at home (“Uncle Ta”) it started to rain and I felt like it lent solemnity to my sadness.  Now the same deafening downpour in the night only makes me feel more awashed with contentment. 

The thought of separation again fills me with sorrow.  But Allah will see me through it.  He always has.