Striking a firm matronly figure in cheerfully colored baju kurung, matching tudung and fresh lightly powdered face, AK used to pace herself cautiously up the 3 flights of stairs to her class at the university twice a week. She will be 64 years old this June 28th and has just renewed her part-time teaching contract at the university for another semester. Always happy to continue giving her contribution to training teachers for music education, and thankful for the supplementary income, she will probably manage the stairs with gusto this time around after taking up yoga and regular walks during the semester break. For AK has always put in discipline and dedication in all she does, be it her career at the Curriculum Development Centre, teaching, preparing meals, sewing, hosting, and now exercise. Her long nagging backache was gone after the third yoga class and she is always exhilarated after a long walk with her friends. Talk about putting one’s heart to the task!
My memories of AK as a child are few but quite clear. While I played with dolls and chased chickens in the backyard, AK was always busy in the house. Often clad in her petticoat and camisole after shedding her school uniform, she would be bent over homework, helping mum in the kitchen or sorting out the laundry. Being the eldest in a family of 8 siblings, she always seemed to be in control beside mum and it is her sober expression that recurs in the images of these years in my mind. However, I do recall her raunchy games with my brother too, the second eldest, in which her laughter never lasted long as my brother would lose and bawl his lungs out, sending Abah to his side. One of my happiest memories were the cousins’ concerts where AK would train me to sing, dance and dress me up to my heart’s content for the show.
Yes AK has always been proud of her brother and sisters though she used to dread it each time mum got pregnant ie after she turned twelve and was trained enough to take over mothering during mum’s confinement – washing all laundry including mum’s maternity stuff, cook for the family and make sure all siblings were clean and fed. Abah would help a little in the evenings after work, and make sure she was up to the mark in her school work. I guess that was how AK learned to be stern with us kids. She had to simply because she cared and was meticulous in her ways. There were enough cry babies among us to throw her off balance and Abah was a disciplinarian.
Later childhood memories with AK are more vivid. Always busy between school, extracurricular activities and housework, she was a picture of energy and enthusiasm. She was an outstanding student, a leader in school and had many friends of all races. Her smiles were more apparent during this period though she continued to be quite strict with us. Nevertheless, she used to take me and an elder sister along for school sports, picnics, camp fires and new year visits at her friends’ homes for which she would always make sure we were nicely attired. In fact, AK designed and sewed all our new clothes for hari raya as well as cushions and curtains, stitching way into the wee hours of the morning before the big day every year. She shopped for fabrics and trimmings herself and my own frocks always mired attention.
AK had big dreams for herself and our family which survived on Abah’s sole income from a government job. However, she had to make a big sacrifice. She had to leave her seat in form six and enroll in the Malaysian Teachers’ College that would secure her a job and enable her to support the family in two years’ time.
Our lives were transformed when AK started teaching. Abah had always put high emphasis on education and health and AK naturally followed suit – we started attending tuition classes and had what seemed then luxury food, more frequently. Even being confined to bed with fever and bronchitis became a pleasurable experience as AK would bring home fresh milk, fruits and chocolates. We had our first television and family car and modern appliances that made housework lighter. I had an early start into classical and romance novels as I sneaked them out one by one from AK’s collection. Tagging along on her monthly spree at the beauty counter and tailor, I was also fascinated by skin care, make-up and fashion by the age of twelve.
I still wonder to this day how she managed to stretch her teacher’s salary to such lengths even though she did get additional income from giving private tuition. AK did her best to let her siblings get all the education they needed while she herself persevered over 10 years to achieve what must have been a childhood ambition, that is, to play the piano and successfully complete the ABRSM curricula and exams. With this qualification, AK obtained a JPA scholarship to pursue a first and second degree in music education in the United States. Just turned 40 then, AK must have left with a clear conscience as all her siblings except the youngest who was still in college and another who remains as a “special child”, were settled in their careers by then.
AK earned her credentials through 3 grueling though enriching years, and went on to give another 14 years of dedicated service to the Ministry, inspiring her younger colleagues with the stamina and passion she showed in her work. An educationist at heart, she is still there, eight years into her retirement.
Though AK has never been married, her maternal instincts must be quite strong to have tended to her siblings the way she did and to continue giving moral and financial support to their children. The experience living with younger people on campus must have nurtured these instincts too as she seems to show more compassion for our children’s growing pains and ambitions than she did for ours. Weekends saw her driving alone to visit nieces in residential schools in the next town or preparing elaborate meals when they visited. And now there are grand nieces and nephews to amuse her too.
AK has always lived with our parents in the home she acquired through her government loan and life savings. Abah’s dream for a bigger house was fulfilled two years before he passed away. Mum and AK have always been like sisters and today they share the same bed as mum is quite frail. Being the middle child, I must have been lost in my own secret garden while mum breastfed and AK washed and cooked. While the two youngest girls had the longest time nestling under mum’s armpits, AK could not have known what mother’s pampering was like and always had to give up her play time for household chores. Perhaps mum is pampering her now by cooking her favourite dishes despite having to make laborious efforts in the kitchen. In spite of protests from younger siblings, mum insists on it and I wish they would leave them alone as cooking and sharing the meals together are the highlights of their day. There is nothing more heartening than seeing two golden girls living it up!
AK has carried her title ‘Long’ with the fullest dignity, emulating Abah’s core values and principles. A perfectionist coming from the old school of discipline where the cane is usually at bay, she may sometimes appear a bit too dogmatic and direct in her approach, but then that is a challenge for the younger ones, to respond to positively. After all she has the gentle heart of a woman.
I was not aware of having a mentor during my growing up years, but I do know now that AK had influenced me a great deal. Looking back, I can see much more of her than mum in my childhood and I first knew I could rely on her when she made me up so beautifully for the cousins’ concert at the age of five. Then on, her stoic show of commitment and responsibility at home, in school and at work, her relationship with friends, her style, talents and ambition could only inspire me to strive for excellence. I even imitated her handwriting and signature which have stayed to this day. She had played her own parental role for her sisters who went on to become wives and mothers. Her only brother she pampered like a favoured son.
AK has always rejoiced in family gatherings in her home, but these days she seems rather withdrawn and her tears flow easily as she reminisces over old times and talks about family members living abroad.
I suppose eldest sisters and aunties like AK are rare. Or could it be that they are overshadowed by single mothers? Otherwise the leisure industry would have created “Aunties’ Day” too, another perfect occasion for feasting and celebrating life while we show our gratitude to those who have truly touched our lives.
26th June 2006
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