Baby Thots
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you and not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”
Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)
Alman turned 5 months on Independence Day 2012. We took him to Kelab Darul Ehsan for the first time and I showed him the colourful frolicking fish in the pond. He looked as some of them swam towards us, seemed startled and gazed at my face a few times, back and forth. I imagined the questions in his mind and talked to him about the fish, their colours, what they eat and all that. He was silent just like he usually is when I take him out into my little garden and show him the flowers and butterflies, or outside the compound to look at the big trees, though he would bend and turn in my arms as though inspecting this and that. Maybe he hasn’t caught me talking to my plants yet.
Other than that, he “ talks” quite a lot, coos, squeals, chuckles, screams and grunts as he pleases, either in response to our chats with him or what he sees on tv, when we sing to him, while playing by himself or when he tries to tell us that he needs his milk, a nap or a nappy change. He rocks backward and around now on his tummy, can do the roll and caterpillar crawl too. Also lifts his bum high and to the left or right and cries as he falls back on his tummy or backwards, as if frustrated that he can’t yet move on to the next stage….crawling on all fours or sitting? He frets, usually after a long play session, for a hug and a silent trot.
Alman and Tok share the same birthday, 31st March. His special connection with his birthday mate is quite obvious. Ever since he demonstrated the ability to interact, he has hardly ever failed to give Tok his gleeful, wide, toothless smile in greeting. Even as he is crying for something, he would stop in his tracks for 2 seconds to give Tok a smile and then resume his crying business. He seems to tease Tok back sometimes with his sweetest, lingering smile as if saying “I know what you did……..”. Tok would put him in his training chair beside him as he feeds the cats their canned food from inside the grilled back porch. He seems to love it, looking intently at Tok’s face with a smile now and then and as he watches the famished cats lap up the wet stuff, flicks out his tongue and starts to drool himself. Well, for now we can only give him a slice of apple to lick now and then, as Dr Wong advised.
When he looks at you without a smile, it is hard to fathom what his thoughts are. Like when he would sometimes lift his head from my shoulder and just look at me for a few seconds . Is it my heart beat he is deciphering or my breathing because my own thoughts do wander to near and faraway places as I gently rock him to sleep.
He usually wakes up his mummy with a loud happy squeal and a kick (at her tummy or face). What a blessing to be able to hear…..that most beautiful sound.
I’ve sheltered and guided my children as I see fit and then let them fly in search of their vocation, knowing that they will find their own connection with the universe. I thank God for the courage to do so. Separation has been inevitable. In my sorrow, Gibran’s words give me gladness……that my mother’s love has not held back my ‘living arrows’ from discovering what Mother Nature has in store for them.
Alman’s parents sometimes say that he is growing too fast, that they wish him to remain a baby for a longer time. Childhood years will pass only too quickly and Alman’s mum will one day have to decide when he can leave her nest.
I miss my babies too and wish I could relive their childhood years with them. Izwin’s home and I can still take her under my wings (rather armpits) sometimes when her husband is not around, but I miss the boys too much…..make a trip home soon, the both of you!
