My daughter had the wedding she dreamed of...short of her wedding cake not going round to all tables and her specially ordered dessert table being hidden behind the ballroom pillars (sorry folks, my fault for forgetting last minute reminders...I got waylaid a bit by some hitches like one of my reception desk crew getting chicken pox the night before, another held back in Klang, the guest singers arriving a bit late). Otherwise it was perfect (for her). It wasn’t meant to be grand or fancy (as some have described it afterwards), just the way she had always wanted her wedding to be...a sweet celebration to share with family and friends, an occasion to connect and reconnect, good food, good music, good ambience. As a teenager, she had always asked me if she could actually enjoy her own wedding and let everyone else relax and have a good time as well, without the typical march and protocol. She has always been a practical, moderate person and we worked out a modest budget for her wedding...which burst just a little. As usual, she knew exactly what she wanted and what she did not want (which included wasteful purchases). We couldn’t afford a wedding planner even if we had wanted to, so we put our heads and resources together and help came from so many quarters. Ween took ownership of every detail, from the menu to her trousseau, the colour scheme, “pelamin” set, the canopies at home, photo booth, origami for guest greetings, gifts, sweets for children (her brother and aunt in Australia were given precise instructions about which ones to get before they came home). I loved her ideas which were so true of her personality, and her husband’s too, I believe, as he went along very happily with everything. Her dad was really worried ( many parents would have been too, I guess) as some of what he was hearing didn’t sound like the conventional stuff...but we knew he'd be cool, he liked everything in the end.
Pink is not her or his favourite colour, but it was perfect for the nikah ceremony. It was a moonlit night and as she sat a few feet away from the groom while he said his vows, she could see the blue fairy lights dancing beneath the transparent canopies in the background. As they had their meal under the canopy later, the stars shone through and could see that she had one next to her...Najmi (“bintang ku”). Well, she did say she wanted a fairyland effect, so don’t blame me for thinking like a fairy. Anyway, there were more guests than we anticipated, but there was plenty of food (courtesy of relatives and neighbours who brought in last minute additions) and many corners to snug into within our little “fairyland”.
The invitation card was simple, some said it looked like a concert ticket. The function was stated to be from 2.30 pm to 6.30 pm. We thought it would be good to let people have the option to perform the zohor prayers first, to accommodate those who happened to have earlier wedding invitations and we wanted it to be a long leisurely afternoon where guests could tuck in all they wanted and mingle. But we asked everyone we could reach to try and be there by 3pm to join in the festivity of the arrival of bride and groom. And to our delight, most of the guests did.
Like Ween said, everything happened so quickly. We wish we can move back in time and slow things down a bit. Bride and groom entered about half an hour later than scheduled and somehow, we had to run the programme faster than planned as we knew some guests had other weddings to attend, many were anxious about the road blocks that day, Najmi’s family from Alor Star planned to leave by 5pm and some relatives who put up at the hotel had to check out. But gosh, so many memorable things happened within that short span of time, things to cherish forever.
I’ll let our little video clip here tell the wedding story and if anyone cares to look at more photos, I’m sure you know where to peek. A little boy in the crowd quipped, “Mummy, this is Hard Rock Hotel wedding!” Smart guy would have squealed if he’d seen the signs “Rock” behind Ween’s chair and “Roll” behind Najmi’s at the main table. Even some over 50s paid compliments. Well...a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll won't hurt the soul, I guess.
The reception in Alor Star was an exciting new experience for most of us from Kuala Lumpur. It was held at Najmi’s family’s village resort called “Zati Retreat”. The place is serene with 4 refurbished old traditional Malay houses, a multi-purpose hall and the river flowing by. We were served the most delicious kenduri food, typical kampong style, and there were stalls serving abc, pulut and durian and goreng2. Duku langsat were hanging from the trees. Keroncong music added nostalgia to a lazy afternoon. We went home, in near food coma, with Najmi’s mum’s homemade cookies and cakes.
Now let me sort out my feelings so that I can grow, not drown, in my own introspection...
First, relief and gladness, joy...unspoken words in glances mothers exchange. Their courtship had sprung and bloomed so quickly that I was sometimes almost afraid to believe that nothing could go wrong.
Second, in contrast but not contradiction, sadness...that the six months of preparation, which turned out to be a wonderful life-defining period for us, is now behind us. We started early and took our time...making calls, planning, designing, researching, choosing fabrics, looking out for best buys, etc. Friends had warned that it would be a very stressful period that could break out into arguments and even fights. Well, it didn’t because there was only me and her exchanging ideas most of the time and we happen to have great appreciation for each other. We spent hours together on weekends hunting and comparing items and would unwind with some comfort food while catching up on each other. Tasks were divided accordingly and we hardly argued. Ween was very calm and mature about the whole process, even during the heady last few days when things looked like they were never going to be ready on time. The last minute shopping for earrings and lipstick were the most fun.
I miss discussing the wedding preparations with my friends as we walked to taichi each morning, the excitement of waiting for the return of my son and sister’s family to KL for the wedding, choosing flowers and doing last minute décor.
I miss the interesting shops we bumped into like Star Enterprise in TTDI where we could browse for hours looking for sachets, boxes, ribbons, etc, and those selling all kinds of tudung. I miss the charming acquaintances we made along the way like the nutty tailor at Ampang Park, Alice the cushion expert in Cottage Patch, dramatic Aishah the “beadstress”, the flighty shop assistants in Gulatis, brooding and very talented Kyonix at Katherine's Florist...spontaneous characters with lots of passion in their work. Even Yassin the Myanmese gardener, acted like a consultant as he helped clean and reorganize my garden by and by.
Fourth, and largely the underlying objective of writing this article, is the need to express gratitude...uppermost to Allah for sanctioning the marriage and blessing the occasion. With His grace, both the akad nikah function and reception went very smoothly. We are thankful that the reception was only short of about 20% of our confirmed guest list despite the road blocks caused by the Bersih rally and we truly sympathize with other families whose wedding functions were badly affected on that day.
I do not know any more honest word to use except ‘gratitude’ again for the presence of my mother (‘Opah’ to her grandchildren) at both functions. Opah has lost the use of her legs due to a hip fracture for many years now and moves around on her wheelchair. Mainly because of the great difficulty of carrying her downstairs, she hardly leaves her room. Ween had insisted on holding her engagement ceremony in Opah’s house last December just so that her grandma could witness it and since then she was determined that Opah would attend her akad nikah and wedding reception. Opah was also expected to attend the wedding reception of my nephew, Danny, at Risda, a week earlier. It became a family project to prepare her for the events which we dubbed “operation owl 1, 2 & 3”. The fun part was preparing her wardrobe and dressing her up, the more serious part was the process of carrying her down the stairs and up, into the car/house/hotel/ballroom and out. The three operations came to a total of 12 whole-bodied lifts, over 2 weekends, by my body-builder brother-in-law, Noor Azlan (Uncle Yan) from Perth. He weighs about 70kg, Opah about 65kg or more and 60kg is usually the maximum weights he does. Phew..pumping iron can turn out to be a most noble activity. And he didn’t even have his whey protein for the 3 weeks in KL!
I’m deeply touched by all the help and love that came our way...Thank You –
- Uncle Yan who made it possible for Opah to celebrate her grandchildren’s wedding, for creating the beautiful nikah pelamin, preparing the house for the nikah ceremony, etc, etc.
- Tok Long for making silver lace-covered telor pindang, fruit cake and tarts.
- Auntie Mi for her famous prune cake and butter cake.
- Auntie Kamariah for her generous bucket of chicken stew, French loaves and more snacks.
- My old buddy Azizah who made the best sardine rolls ever.
- Auntie Marina who decorated the stairs, baked cornflake cookies, banana walnut cake, seri muka and did the bunga rampai sachets and the basket.
- Aunty Ailis for her scrumptious macademia nut cookies.
- Cyrus for his unforgettable meatballs.
- Auntie Mim for her constant checks throughout and helping to do up the bridal room.
- Chu Pid, my interior decorator who looked into details from tablecloths to photo frames, did the intricate corsages and for being our “cheerleader” as always.
- Maklong for her constant concern and putting in a good day’s work into the corsages.
- Izurein for designing the table numbers and leading the number production line, for her star performance on the violin, for being our “bunga telor girl” (well, more sweets and chocolates actually) and for her cheerful support always.
- Uncle Bakar for being the polished master of ceremony on nikah night.
- Adleen, Maira and Cik Gi for their efficient manning of the reception desk.
- Cik Aya, Pak Cik Mat, Cik Minah and their assisting team of aunties and cousins who packed the gifts.
- Uncle Taharim, Uncle Malek, Uncle Atan, Uncle Hatta and all other uncles and aunties from KL, JB and Penang for their gracious ushering and hosting at reception.
- Sweet “Santa” who sponsored the stage set (meant for pelamin actually).
- Melina and her team for their splendid management of sound and entertainment. Melina herself for her soulful guitar accompaniment to Nana's song, Savy for her beautiful piano accompaniment to Izurein's violin solo. And sound engineer Faiz who was first to arrive for rehearsal in the morning to make sure he would not be caught in the traffic jam expected that day due to the road blocks.
- Christina who did a superb job as Event Manager.
- Christina again and her team who did a slick spicing up of the ballroom décor with candles, mirrors, petals, etc. (you guys are on for the next wedding!)
- The guest singers...Nana, Sam, Dr Ann and Razif for enthralling the crowd
- Melina and Hanafi for getting their college friends together and making Najmi's (secret) wish come true....they sponsored Sam of the Innuendo to perform three songs!
- Ayun and Adlina for their most charming act as hosts at reception.
- Our neighbours for all their support and cooperation.
- Aisya Hanem, Ween's wedding attire designer who understood her taste perfectly, for her patience and meticulous attention to every stitch and hue in coming out with the simply elegant wedding kurung and gown. This new kid on the block can give many of the talked-about designers out there a run for their money!
- Hatim and Merisik Gallery for bringing to reality Ween's vision of the “pelamin” set.
- Rashid and Adrian for designing the invitation card with a chic new look for the scene.
- Fahmi, Ween's make-up artiste friend, whose generous gift was not only to do the bride's make-up but also some for any other cousins and aunties who came near with pale faces!
- The spirited Chong sisters – Sharon, Yvonne and Vera, for dolling up some of Ween's friends and family members.
- Ween's childhood friends – Firhana who kick started the hantaran decoration, Nana who stole people's hearts when she sang “The Real Thing” for Ween and Najmi during the walk-in, and the rest – Ayun, Eta, Aida for helping out on the event days...and before. Not to forget too, Nasreen, Farhana, Bono, Hanafi and Suraya who made the team complete.
- Zul, our photographer, who captured and made such candid images of, every meaningful moment.
- Uncle Atan for hijacking an additional photographer who did a great back-up job and made sure most people got a picture.
- Cousin Dhiya who offered to do the wedding video. Perfect for the part, he was everywhere, moving quietly and unobtrusively.
- The three gallahads close behind us all the way...my husband, Zam, and sons Idzfan and Izaz.
I would also like to thank the sales and banquet team of De Palma Hotel for their energy and dedicated work, attending patiently always to my calls at any time of the day. They are young and wholesome, maybe being a mother figure was my advantage.
Aside from the aunties, uncles, cousins and friends who all did a fantastic job, it was heartening to see the skill, dedication and professionalism put out by those hired for their respective jobs. I highly respect this breed of self-employed young talents.
I'm sorry if I've forgotten to mention anyone else in particular here. I also apologize for not being able to meet and greet and thank everyone in person at the two functions. It was the first wedding in the family and I could not bring myself to delegate everything. Plus my shoes were nearly killing me. But I saw all of you and your smiles, felt your presence.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank everyone...family, friends, neighbours, colleagues...for all your contribution and presents, in cash and kind, and most of all, for being there with us to share our happy day and joining in our prayers for the newly wedded couple. They wouldn't have enjoyed their wedding without you....and that's a good beginning to the “New Chapter”of their life together. We hope you enjoyed yourselves too. We didn't have crystals or hefty gift bags to offer in return for your graciousness, but we hope you will always have pleasant memories of the aftertaste of “Izwin & Najmi” choc bar and of our afternoon together.
God bless you all!
