Reunion

Sometimes I wake up in the night swept up by a wave of gratitude and great comfort realising that my entire brood is huddled together within 3 rooms in our link house upstairs.  Just a door knock away.  It is an awesome feeling mixed with disbelief. Idzfan came home after 13 years in Australia and Izaz, after 8 years in the same place together.  During those times I felt the vacuum in my life everyday though Izwin getting married and the arrival of Alman in 2012 and Ishmael in 2015 has brought new dimensions of joy and life fulfilment.  But in recent years I started to have bouts of despair thinking that I would continue to be with my sons only 2-3 weeks a year when they come home for holidays or when I visit them.  It didn’t seem to make sense to continue living this way though I do want them to be where they are happiest.  That was why I sent them away in the first place, to give them opportunities to seek knowledge and find the wisdom to choose their own paths.  But the anxiety over wondering about their well being when we are oceans and continents apart brings a tough life lesson in itself.  In building up my spiritual strength.

 

I feel so fortunate to have this phase of my life…just like old times when they were kids going to school and coming back together, now they go to work and I can look forward to them coming home one by one.  The maid used to keep house and cooked most of the time as I was working.  Now I get the chance to do all that for them…and the grandchildren.   Tiring but I feel blessed.  They have matured in their thinking but their emotional attachment to me and childish idiosyncrasies have not changed.   

This is ultimate happiness for me and the true meaning of my life…to nurture my offsprings to the best of my god-given abilities.  And to be there when they need me.

I don’t know how long this gift will last as I know they will need to move on to new horizons sooner or later.  In search of greener pastures and new life experiences.  And I know they will share many moments with me from wherever they are.

Not too long ago just before subuh, as Idzfan was gathering his things in the same room next to mine preparing to leave for the airport after 2 weeks holiday at home (“Uncle Ta”) it started to rain and I felt like it lent solemnity to my sadness.  Now the same deafening downpour in the night only makes me feel more awashed with contentment. 

The thought of separation again fills me with sorrow.  But Allah will see me through it.  He always has.