Grand Dame

I’m sitting with Alman’s Onyang today (his mummy’s Opah, my Mak). It’s Saturday, the maid has gone off for half a day and Long (check out my story on her in “My sister, my mentor”) has gone for her weekly class at UM teaching would-be teachers of music. Onyang is well today and is amused at every little story I have to tell about her 6-week old “cicit”…he lets out booming farts, his eyes will now follow me when I get up and walk behind him, he won’t let me shampoo his hair for longer than 2 minutes, he acts as if he is breathless when I wipe his face with the wash cloth, he wiggles and grunts in his bath, his belly is now as round as his face, hehehe.

Onyang ate just 4 spoonsfuls of the chicken lasagne I brought for her from coffee bean. She usually likes pasta with plenty of cheese in it, but now she has lost her appetite for most things. She couldn’t name anything she felt like eating at all today. She took a look at the orange poppy seed cake and told me to keep it in the fridge first. I miss the days when she’d grin happily after eating half a chunk of apple cake or bread pudding. She wanted to sit in her wheelchair for lunch, so I had to lift her from the bed onto the wheelchair and an hour later, back on the bed when it was time for zohor. I hadn’t done this for nearly 2 months now and she felt heavier than before…either she’d put on weight or I’ve lost some tiger power…heheh just remembered what the boys in school called out when I was swinging it out on the tennis court. So I pulled and I puffed more than usual to place her in a comfortable position. Took her wuduk for her and rewarded myself with an oreo macflurry Long brought back for me. Can’t wait for the day to share 2 types of macflurries with Alman! After prayers, Onyang apologized to me profusely for having asked me to carry her ( as she remembered how I sprained my back a little a few months ago after doing it about 4 times daily for a month when the maid was on leave). She was in fact tearful and I wondered…oh, my God…did she hear my thoughts? For the thought did cross my mind, that I would have to refrain from lifting her like this for fear of injury…because little Alman needs my strength forever more. Dear Angel, assist me…….

I know my mother had had to carry more loads than I’ve ever had to throughout her life, loads that have probably taken their toll on her posture and bone density, causing her to suffer a fracture in her hip bone and led her to the wheelchair a few years ago. She is now 87, still has a rosy complexion, free of any life style disease, but unable to stand up and walk. She complains little, just about being tired. But she brightens up when she asks about Alman, his mummy, daddy and his 2 uncles down under. Keeps apologizing for not being able to visit us. It took a few reminders though before she could roll the ‘L’ just enough to get the name Alman rounded.

27 years apart we are and I am just at the brink of my career as grandma while Onyang had gone past hers and is way into great grandmotherhood. Yet she still seems to remember and take delight in, every detail of a baby’s development. She did it all….fully breastfed and nurtured all 8 of us, helped raise several of her 13 grandchildren and celebrated the birth of each of her 14 great grandchildren. She cooked and cleaned during the time when technology had hardly permeated our homes. Perhaps that way the experience is so entrenched in her that she can now still give cooking tips and authentic recipes from her bed.

There is a quiet dignity about Opah (as she is more often referred to) that shields the pain and sorrow underneath. Still chooses the colours she wants to wear every day and she smells like a baby…because the maid massages her with Baby Johnson all over, just like mummy does to Alman. Still fusses over food for visitors. Truly the Grand Dame in our life. They say I resemble her the most in appearance…what a compliment. Will Alman have a title too for his own Opah twenty years from now…..